rope. tree. fan. spear. snake. wall.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Anxiety, much?

We're going to try Ritalin on Ignatz in April. We'll give it two weeks. That is The Plan. Here's me plagued with doubt. What if the side effects are really horrible? Do we cut the dosage or decide it's just not for us? What if it has no effect at all? Do we up the dosage, or do we decide it must not be ADD after all? What if it enables him to focus at school but turns him into a boring little Borg drone? Then it's not worth it. But what if that's just because the dosage is too high or too low? How much tweaking? For how long do we have to test each tweak? What if it causes insomnia? He already barely sleeps. What if it suppresses his appetite? He already barely eats. What if it helps with the academics but makes his social behavior worse? Or vice versa? Will we have to go through this whole process with Concerta too? Cylert? Dexedrine? Methylin? Strattera? Wellbutrin? That could take forever.

I don't even want to medicate my kid. Seriously, I can have a headache for 24 hours before it occurs to me to take an Advil. I just don't tend to think of medication first. But people with similar problems say it's helped. It might help him, and he needs help. He's suffering, and not in a character-building way. I don't remember her exact words, but Mrs Next Door said something like "Stop criticizing him for things he can't do anything about. Either give him something that will enable him to be what you want, or accept him the way he is." Man oh man, is she ever right. And of course I would tend toward the latter, but the world is not going to accept him as he is, and he has to exist outside this family as well. He goes to school, he forgets to hand in tests, he forgets the rules, he can't restrain himself from talking to his classmates, and those all have consequences. Those consequences fuck with his self-esteem, his behavior deteriorates even further, et cetera. Know what I just found out? He didn't hate hockey. He liked playing, he was proud of the things he learned. But the team picked on him because he was small and slow, and getting picked on made him hesitant and even slower, which made them pick on him more. Et cetera.

Anyway. I'm just venting, okay? We will try it. He's in therapy. We will call the special school and set up an appointment. We are doing all we can. This is just the stuff that cycles through my head while I wait to fall asleep.


Kelly said...

Lady, you are doing the right things and thinking about the right things. Don't stress yourself out. Take each moment as it comes and deal with it.

Slomz- show biz slums

alala said...

man! You get all the good verification words. What the hell am I supposed to do with wenli?

Elemmaciltur said...

Hey, whatever happens, I'm sure it'll turn out fine in the end!

I don't know what to do with XZWBG either. *LOL*

Theresa said...

I have a nephew on ADHD meds. I look at it this way - the meds aren't going to alter who your son is, because the ADD is doing that.

alala said...

Yeah - and he's always been like this. It would be interesting to see what he would have been like without the ADHD, but all the meds can do is control the disorganization and distractibility. They can't undo the battered self-esteem. We have to do that, and it's one helluva homework assignment.

vicki said...

my word, Ala! Take a pill! Seriously, I know (it's my job) this is a really hard decision to make and it would be so nice to not have to consider medication. But, Ritalin for true ADD is a real gift. And the good news is- it's usually a good way to confirm the diagnosis because if it works it is and if it doens't it probably isn't. And taken correctly it's a relatively safe drug, cleared pretty fast by the liver. Make sure you give him breakfast BEFORE the pill because the one side effect is that appetites drop off.
This may be the best thing to happen for him in a while- I'll keep my fingers crossed.