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Saturday, September 24, 2005


Okay, they lost this time. To Straubing, the same team they beat so spectacularly last weekend. This time we were in Straubing, a 2-hour bus ride away. Nice town, incidentally. Anyway, last week's win was bigger than this week's loss, so I'm not too upset. The team is still doing pretty well.

I saw Pride and Prejudice yesterday (Friday). I can't decide whether I liked it or not - it's my favorite novel, so I was always going to be nitpicky about it, but I think the movie lacks the flair of Ang Lee's Sense and Sensibility - well, there you go. This one wasn't directed by Ang Lee, that might be part of the problem. There are other directors I'd expect a good job from as well, but I've never heard of Joe Wright. Not to sure about Deborah Moggach's screenplay, I guess. The cinematography made me dizzy and the music was intrusive. But since it is my favorite novel ever, I will probably see the movie a couple-three more times, so I'll be able to give a more positive review later. Much later, actually, since I think this was a Special Preview and I won't be able to see it again until November.

I talked to Mom again tonight. She sounds better, more alert, less tired and weak. But the news is not good. She's off the Vicodin for pain, and onto Methadone, which seems to be controlling it better, but only controlling it. She's not healing. She seems to be losing motor control a bit, she can't pick her feet up when she wants to, so I guess a wheelchair is in her near future. She also can't tell when she's standing upright, so there's some loss of equilibrium as well - don't know how much of this is general deterioration and how much is a side effect of the Methadone and Neurontin. Anyway, she now has a local doctor, has seen him once and will see him again Tuesday afternoon. I guess I'd better talk to him when I'm there. She also says she wants me to pack up a lot of stuff and help her get rid of it. If I'd known that was in the cards I would probably have planned to stay longer, but I really do want to get back in time for Gus's fifth birthday.

Well, I guess I'd better plan another trip in the spring. The last time I called her was Monday, to tell her I had my tickets, and that time she was talking about me coming in October, and I told her my brother's family was thinking about coming up for Christmas, and she mentioned that Kilian was the only person close to her that she was not going to get to see. Which sounds to me like she's rather planning on dying soon. If she'd said something before we bought the tickets, I would have arranged it, but I don't know if I can do that now, on such short notice. So I think it would be better to take him in the Spring, during his Easter holiday. I don't really know if she'll hold out that long.

Robert contends that there is a strong psychosomatic element in the pain she's suffering now. This is not at all helpful. Of course, he is being very nice in affording the ticket and assuring me that I can be gone and he won't be overwhelmed and generally not making me feel guilty about leaving for two weeks right in the middle of anything, so I must be grateful for that. Don't be shocked, it may sound like common courtesy but believe me, it's not all that common.

I spend a lot of time lately reminding myself not to worry. Worrying will not help. What will help is going out there, and I'm doing that. I'm writing packing lists and making plans and doing what I can, and worrying will just make me wrinkly and give me coldsores. So stop it.

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